Getting There: Thinking About Reading About Love

So, the lack of response to my desperate plea for someone to find me a date leads me to believe that one, or all, of the following three things is true:

a) Really, you all secretly want me to stay single for your own amusement.

b) There is, actually, no one to date in Albuquerque.

c) I need more local readers.


In the meantime, I did get one helpful email from an old friend. This friend, who I have known since I was about five, has exhibited an unparalleled enthusiasm for setting me up; unfortunately, she lives in New York. Once, during the brief period I was living there and single, she did try and introduce me to someone: by the end of the night he was drunkenly making out with a different friend of hers, who he went home with and soon later screwed over.

As usual, I digress. This friend did, however, demonstrate her cross-continental helpfulness by sending me a couple of names of books about relationships that she’s lately read. And so, readers,  I spent the weekend–again–reading about love rather than doing anything to find it. (Actually, I did make one trip to Whole Foods in faint hope of spotting the cute guy I saw there last week; needless to say I left with only a three-dollar cabbage).

And, truthfully, I spent most of the weekend thinking about reading these books while staring at the same page of “Uncle Tom’s Cabin.” (People: once in a while I have to at least pretend that I’m interested in things, aka school, besides blogging). And, after all that, the only other book I did crack was suggested not by my helpful friend but by my writing teacher–you remember, the one who encourages me to look inward to explain my romantic failures.

Actually, he demanded that I read this book. And, readers, I am glad I listened. It’s called “All About Love” and it’s by bell hooks. (I know, Harriet Beecher Stowe and bell hooks: it’s like reliving high school and college in one weekend!)

I have only read the first 30 pages, but I have underlined most sentences on about 29 of them. I have so much to say I don’t know where to begin. So, it being Sunday night, this being my second post of the day and me having a few more hundred pages of “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” to stare at, I won’t attempt to say much here.

I’ll just tell you the sentence from the first page of the first chapter that solidified the fact–already pretty clear from the introduction, which we’ll get to later–that this book is going to change my life: “Our confusion about what we mean when we use the word ‘love,” she writes, “is the source of our difficulty in loving.”

I think a lot about the fact that I truly have no idea what it means to love someone. I did not think bell hooks would be the person to help me figure it out. I’m pretty sure now, though, that she will.

Stay tuned. And sweet dreams.


Filed under Love Life

3 responses to “Getting There: Thinking About Reading About Love

  1. Camilla

    That was not one of my best setups to say the least. I want to be like Yente in Fiddler on the Roof, but apparently watching reruns of Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo doesn’t qualify as experience. I need some new matchmaker skills and fast, or maybe I just need some new male friends!

    • Ha! I hate to say it but it might be the latter 🙂 And even though that setup didn’t work out, I’m glad you tried: if you hadn’t, how would I impress future dates with that amazing Philip Roth story??

  2. Jon J

    So, ran across your blog whilst strolling through Google for responses to David Brooks’ column. I usually pre-wince when I stumble across ‘dating blogs’ that purport to speak to the relationship travails of our generation. That yours has been rather interesting I think is due in no small part to that you are actually part of this generation, rather than being part of a “Hey who let grandpa on the internet?” phenomena. Not to mention your take on things is different than mine as I’m not a woman.

    From my totally mid-Atlantic East Coast biased perspective…yeah it feels like there is hardly anyone between the coastal states. I know that isn’t true but the population density or rather lack thereof has to make dating more difficult. Don’t know how much stock you put in evolutionary biology/psychology but I’ve read more than a few books on the topic. While not strictly about ‘love’, this topic might give you some additional insight into how/why we as a species approach relationships the way we do. I’d recommend:

    ‘The Mating Mind’ by Geoffrey Miller, ‘The Red Queen’ by Matt Ridley and if you really want a mind warp ‘Sperm Wars’ by Robin Baker.

    Looking forward to reading more of your posts.

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