In case you haven’t noticed, one of my great talents in life is thinking too much. If I had a couple cents for every time someone had accused me of “overthinking” something, let’s just say I would not be in graduate school and have a lot less anxiety about the prospect of ever again living in New York.
Among the things I’ve been overthinking lately is the reasons why, generally, I am drawn to people. Men in particular.
And one of the factors that has been coming to mind is something I generally think we’re not supposed to admit: that they like me.
“Oh, you just like him cause he likes you” would seem to dismiss, undermine and shame us out of such a notion. We’re supposed to like people for loftier, more substantive and less narcissistic reasons: because they seem like they’d be good at raising parents. Because they read the New York Times. Because they’re athletic or have really striking eyelashes.
Not because they like you.
And clearly, there are probably a lot of guys out there whose hypothetical interest in me I would not reciprocate: like facial features or reading material, that a man finds me attractive in and of itself is not sufficient reason for me to date him.
But so long as there’s the presence of some other key qualities, I wouldn’t say it’s un-important.
I might have my moments of insecurity, but all in all I’m not afraid to say that I think pretty well of myself. I ain’t perfect–and I am, clearly, a little bit crazy–but I’ve got some good things going for me. I like to fancy myself a pretty darn good catch.
And if a guy can recognize that, I think it says something about him, too. It says something about his judgment. And, since I pretty quickly come across as someone with not-totally-unserious intentions, I’d often think that a guy who actually shows interest might have some not-totally-unserious intentions as well. (I mean, eight times out of ten I would be wrong–but hey, what’s experience against stubborn logic?)
As I’ve written, I tend to think mutual attraction is something of a holy miracle. I do tend to be pretty choosy–not necessarily in the right ways, but still–and when someone I set sights on shows interest back, it’s pretty exciting. And since in most cases I can still–in my rabid overthinking–come up with a few reasons why I should not be interested, I’m gonna go ahead and let myself accept their interest as a perfectly legitimate reason why I should.
Then again, I’m not sure I would especially like to be judged by the people I become involved with. But that’s one thing, for now, that I’m not going to think too much about.