The other night I had drinks with a guy friend who I hadn’t seen in a while. (He’s one of that handful of guy friends whose initial is D, but who isn’t that D I’ve previously written about. Initials are hard.)
Anyway, he and I also frequently get into relationship talk when we get together. And when the conversation moved in that direction, the other night, he admitted that he hadn’t caught up on my blog in a couple of weeks.
“So I don’t know what’s going on,” he said. “You’ll have to fill me in.”
“Well, I haven’t actually been blogging about it,” I said.
He looked at me, incredulous. “What do you mean, you haven’t been writing about it? Isn’t it called a dating blog?”
“If you haven’t been writing about your dating life what have you been writing about?” he asked.
I told him that was a good question, and confessed that my writing volume has, in fact, diminished in the past month or so.
It turns out that writing a blog about one’s love life, on those occasions when one actually has a love life, is tricky business.
One person I met asked me explicitly not to write about him. That made things easy: I haven’t. He, like a lot of guys I date, has a pretty strong sense of privacy–which, as I told him, is something that I both respect and (rather inconveniently) find attractive.
It’s been a little difficult not to bring him up at all, but with such an explicit boundary the challenge hasn’t prompted much agony. Plus, I know he reads it–and wouldn’t want him to feel like he needed to check the blog to find out what I was really thinking.
But the other problem is something that actually came up when I had drinks with D (this one) a few months ago. He and I did’t know each other all that well at the time, just enough to know that we liked hanging out and wanted to be friends. He’d left a comment on the blog so I knew he was reading, and sensed that he was eager to talk about relationships “offline.”
It was kind of a first “friend date.” We work and go to school together, but there were a lot of gaps to fill in as far as personal background sorts of things. Except that, for him, many of these gaps were already filled–thank you, internet.
“This is kind of unfair,” I noted. “You have access to all this information about me that I don’t have about you!”
Which is accurate. But, I can’t exactly plead injustice. No one, after all, is forcing me to scribble intimate details of my life story throughout the virtual universe. It’s a choice. Perhaps not a wise or well-conceived choice, but a choice nonetheless.
And that is the rub of dating while blogging. There is a lot about dating that is really not fun. But one thing that is fun–or at least, that I love–is the slow (or, often in my case, rapidly accelerated) process of getting to know someone. Learning all those telling details about their family structure and romantic history.
When I meet someone new, I still get to enjoy that. But the guys I meet nowadays run the risk of missing out on the pleasure.
“If I were dating you, I think I wouldn’t read your blog,” D announced the other night.
“Really?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “I’d want to learn about you from you, not from reading about it.”
Which I thought was totally mature and rational. And totally unrelatable.
“If someone I was interested in wrote a blog about their love life,” I said, “I would find it really really hard/totally impossible not to read it.”
Fortunately–or, perhaps, unfortunately–the idea of a guy who blogs about anything is pretty unattractive to me.
Which may mean that I hate myself, and may mean that–until I become enlightened and get turned on by men with an equally public personality–dating while blogging will be a continual challenge.
Stay tuned. I may or may not be blogging about it.