Breaking the Rules

I have a confession. For the record, it’s one that I may or may not have already made. I’m on vacation now (three weeks until summer session!)– relishing the comforts, cable and pantry of my parents home–and can’t be bothered to check.

Anyhow, it’s this: I started this blog impulsively. Spontaneously. I didn’t think through what I was doing, what I wanted it to be or not be. Basically I’ve been figuring it out as I go along.

One thing I’ve more or less decided that I don’t want it to be is a vengeful soapbox for calling out men who I date.

Well, on most days I don’t want it to be that.

Today, however, I am not feeling so generous.

The irony is that I’ve actually been feeling really good lately. Like, totally happy and content being single and appreciative of the many wonderful people I have in my life.

At least, that is what I wrote in an email to S and R, my two best NY girls–before pounding out several hundred words in which I vented about the guy who I would now like to vent about to you.

So here’s the thing: I know that technology has complicated traditional notions of dating etiquette–or whatever traditional notions of dating etiquette still existed by the time we all started texting.

And yet, I think there are certain basic courtesies that transcend modern developments in mobile devices and romantic courtship.

Such as, when a man is interested in dating a woman, he calls her. He can email, fine, he can send a funny or flirtatious text. But at some point, additionally, he ought to call. So should she if she wants to see her/him whatever. It’s basic. Can we agree on that? Good.

Okay. Now, I would like to propose a corollary to this rule. If you sleep with a woman who you have been dating, and you want to continue dating her, you actually must call her. I don’t have a definite timeline for this, but let’s just say if it’s been more than a week it’s been too long.

Now, the funny thing here is that the person I would like to call out for violating this code is a Southern Republican: aka someone who plays golf, smokes cigars and attends church and Toby Keith concerts. Why is this relevant? Because along with these qualities often come more conventional ideas about gender roles.

In this case, they definitely did. Not once did this guy allow me to get in his car without opening the passenger door.

And yet, over a week since I finally spent the night, he had not called. Sure, he texted the following day. He texted a few times, sometimes even with the suggestion of seeing one another again. But he did not call.

I could have just stopped responding to his texts. But that would not have been as much fun. So, instead, I wrote back to one of them: “I don’t understand why you’re texting me.”

“Why would I not be texting you?” he responded.

I wrote that he clearly wasn’t interested in seeing me again, so I wasn’t sure what the point was.

He wrote back saying he was sorry, he’d been out of town and had visitors. I considered writing back and telling him this was a stupid conversation to have over text message and that if he really wanted to see me he could call.

And then I hesitated–realizing that I was actually not all that  interested in seeing him.

So I didn’t. And I decided to blog about it instead.

Most rules have exceptions; there are some though, I’m afraid, that do not.


Filed under Love Life

2 responses to “Breaking the Rules

  1. Wait. But he didn’t break the rule. The rule is, if you want to see the person you sleep with, you should call. And, as you pointed out, if he really wanted to see you, he would have called.

    And, as you also pointed out, you didn’t really want to see him, or YOU would have called.

    So, two people had sex, and then they both decided they didn’t especially want to see the other, but they would if the other twisted their arm by calling.

    Isn’t it good that he, like you, didn’t call?

  2. Pingback: The Paradox « Dating in the Odyssey Years

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