Tag Archives: kids

Step One: Get Married. Step Two: Have Kids?

Yeah, I know: I’m, like, really, really far from starting a family.

Like, this weekend, out at a downtown bar where there were, actually, a decent number of evidently attractive men–an event that seems to occur about as often as the solstice around here–I stood on the periphery, completely disinterested.

“I wish I knew some cute guy so we could go over and I could introduce you,” my friend E remarked.

“Oh no,” I assured her. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not feeling all that sexual these days.”

It’s true: I mean, don’t get me wrong: I still think it’d be nice to have/desperately want a boyfriend. But for whatever reason (perhaps, dare I ponder, the staggering sequence of disappointments that has been my love life for the past several years has finally caught up with me) I’m going through a phase in which I really can’t be bothered to put in the the effort that it takes to put myself out there.

(Don’t worry too much: put me in front of a shiny object and I will flirt with it. It’s how I’m wired, whether I like it or not.)

But still: as you all know, I think about these things–love, relationships, marriage. And yes, children.

I’ve been thinking about this last one recently a bit more than usual. So I was intrigued when I saw this story on the Times “Well” blog.

The post reports on a new study from the Pew Research Center that surveys what people say are the most important factors in the success of their marriage. The Times headline was that children rank surprisingly low: behind good sex, behind money, and just above similar political views.

Apparently marriage has overall become more “adult-centered” as people have fewer children and wait longer to have them–which would suggest that people are still having children, they just generally find them less interesting. Or essential to a happy partnership, whatever.

Which is intriguing to me, because what I’ve been thinking about lately–in regard to kids–is the cultural expectation I think is imposed on women, especially, that we ought to have kids at all.

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